June 5, 2009 My bad

omg, how did i manage to not write yesterday? i am definitely going to come back to this topic, however, i am still in the game because i wrote a page of horoscopes yesterday-which totally counts as writing, woo hoo!

June 4, 2009 One last mistake

“Do you want to know what it would feel like if my fingertips touched yours?

What it would feel like if my lips, the slightest bit desiccated by the winter wind, explored the depths of your warm neck?

What it would feel like as we fought our way into the most intimate embrace?”

…

“Excuse me, what was that?”

“Hmm? Oh, uh, I said ‘you might want to cover your drink before you leave it. A lot of sickos out there, y’know?’”

“Oh yes, thanks.”

That smile. Enchanting.
Yeah, she wants to know…

June 3, 2009 It's just another word

WORK IN PROGRESS-i wrote this part at Ozomatli show to get my one paragraph done :)

Wow.

The foyer is bigger than our old apartment. Gold. It adorns things. Everything is all shiny. It's all I've ever wanted and all I've ever despised in one instance. But shit, it's free.

If free means giving up my freedom. If free means never seeing the rest of my family again. I'm living my own micro-version of The Patriot Act. Trading freedom for safety. Trading privacy for safety. Trading identity. For safety.

Am I really living if it's not my life? Is it worth being alive if I am experiencing a pre-death reincarnation? Where does that leave me on the karmic ladder? Closer to the Brahmans or do I get knocked back down with the Untouchables?

I could lie on my new California King and let my greay matter swim around in an existentialist mind-fuck all day.

June 2-Was Not Was was way ahead of their time

Note: I went to see Land of the Lost tonight. Just in case you were wondering where this was coming from.

Dinosaurs are soooo the new ish.

Ninjas? Fucking stomped. Pirates? Pushed the fuck back out to sea. Zombies? Those brittle teeth inside those mushy gums can’t even think about penetrating that badass prehistoric skin.

Now let’s talk merchandise. I’m thinking jackets with T-Rex teeth for zippers. Gloves with fake raptor claws. I’m seeing Betsey Johnson going totally avant-garde with her fall collection, Pterodactyl wings perched where 80’s power suit shoulder pads once lay.

Basically, you do not want to step to dinosaurs. The only thing they fear is Blair Waldorf. They know not to step foot on the Upper East Side.

June 1-Pieces of What

Topic du jour: Alrighty kids, it's back to Day 1-tabula rasa time. April was our best month so far, and I think June can be even better! So, this time around, day 1 is going to be a tiny bit tougher, so...

Part 1: Set your writing intention for the month. Pick 3-5 words on what you want to get out of this, where you want to go with your writing, etc, and elaborate on them.

Part 2: Since our group is growing and we no longer all know each other, give us a little bio of your life as a writer.



Accountability: Since my position in this group is a little different, I am placing accountability at the top of my intention. First, I have to be accountable to all of you, because if I do not do my part, then it is much more difficult for all of you to be successful. I also have to be accountable to myself: if I get all of the topics written and posted ahead of time, then I get to actually participate in the group, too.

Consistency: That goes without saying. I think I made it two weeks last time, and as long as I keep up with the accountability part, this should hopefully fall right into place.

Dialogue: I think I want one of my focuses this go ‘round to be specifically on dialogue. Considering most of my classy insults consist of “your face” and “your mama,” Gossip Girl has inspired me to work on better dialogue.


So, a little about my life as a writer. Well, I started in a Journalism class my Freshman year of high school, then gradually moved up in the ranks on the newspaper from Feature Editor to Editor-in-Chief (well, technically co-Editor-I had all the duties but not full title due to an incident the previous year; apparently shoplifting on a school field trip is not a good idea-funny story, though). I did the UIL business and all that, oddly enough winning First Place for a Sports Feature article, then applied to the UT School of Journalism. I so didn’t get in. Boo. So, I went the Liberal Arts route and kind of gave up on my Journalism dream.

After lots of fun American Studies classes with tremendous writing components (seriously, throw out a topic and there is a 47% chance that I will say “oh, I wrote a paper on that”), I ended up picking up little writing jobs here and there, even writing a bit of porn on the side (even though I wasn’t having sex at the time-my porn totally sucked-if only I had that job, now…) Two years ago I got a job with go2.com, writing text-message alerts about local events, and eventually horoscopes, a fairly lucrative side job that has definitely contributed to my drinking budget. Not long after that was the Club Gossip debacle, wherein I was the Editor of an attempted up-start magazine; it was a lot of fun, and I don’t regret it, but ultimately resulted in a giant mess. Finally, last summer I started writing for Austin.com, doing event previews, SXSW coverage, Weekend Picks, and more. I don’t get paid at Austin.com, but I do get lots of perks that pretty much outweigh a paycheck.

So, after a conversation with my BFF while visiting her in the Bay Area last fall, I came up with the idea for this group. My background, obviously, is mostly journalism, and I had never done much creative writing. I figured I would try my hand at it some, and bring a few friends along. This is our fourth go at our little project, and I am still loving it. Eventually, I hope to pitch this as a book to Chronicle Books, and to have all of you join me.

p.s. after reading this, if you have not taken my “How well do you know Laurie” Facebook quiz, I just gave you two answers. Go for it.

Dog Bed

Oh my bed. My bed so desperately wants to be my place of solace. Every now and then it manages that distinction, like last Saturday when I spent the day underneath the covers watching movies and playing on the internets. For the most part, however, my bed is a fairly gross place that no one wants to visit.

I originally purchased my bed to be this wonderful haven. I was so super excited to pick out the fancy bed from IKEA, one with a headboard, of course, then head down the hall to test out mattresses. I got the cutest sheet and comforter set, all Moroccan-inspired like the rest of my room décor intended to be. After many laborious attempts to put the damned thing together, and much assistance from Susanna, my cheap version of a craft-o-matic adjustable bed was finally done. And for a while, it was my sanctuary.

Then Ginger came.

I held my ground for a long time on the dog-in-bed situation, until Russell came along and guilted me into letting her sleep with us. It was over after that. Now, my bed is a pit of despair, covered in mud and hair. Gross? Yeah, I totally know. Don’t judge me.

The dogs always come first in my world. Even in my bed. I go to sleep every night, taking up less than 1/3 of my bed, with one dog on top of me, one dog in between my knees, and one dog next to my foot. My appreciation for beds in other establishments has grown exponentially, and nights that I get to stay at the Omni or Intercontinental (best beds in the world) or even when I crash with friends who snore a lot, I relish their comfy, clean, dog-free zones.

Hmm. Reminds me. I need to get the sheets in the wash.

Damnit!

So yesterday was my first day to not write about the 30DOW topic, and I am totally bummed about that. So, rather than throw something down, I am going to get back to it when I have time.

However, I did do some other writing: 12 horoscopes and a David Sedaris write-up, so I still met the writing criteria, so I'm gonna cut myself some slack on this one.

April 10, 2009 ROLB

(unfinished post)

Hmmm. Guilty pleasures, there’s really no better kind. I think the problem with the pleasures from which I partake, is that I have no guilt over them. Maybe I have transcended the plane of existence in which guilt and pleasure intermingle. Maybe I no longer fear a thrashing by the Bible belt (or maybe I would really enjoy it). Or maybe I just fully embrace one of my life’s most profound mottos: “I just don’t give a fuck.” Either way, you will find me hard-pressed to feel guilty about my Love of Lady Gaga, my aptitude for picking up strange men in a bar, or my willingness to laugh when someone hurts themselves. It doesn’t make me a bad person. Well, maybe a little…

So, the one thing that is closest to a guilty pleasure on my plate is VH1 Celebreality TV. Sure, many people can claim that Reality TV is their biggest guilty pleasure, but other than Fox, no one can take the cake on this genre the way VH1 does. The combination of washed-up child stars, drugged-out porn stars, and watered-down idiots who gained fame by wanting to date shriveled up members of the California Raisins all form the perfect storm of fucking train wreck television. And I find it masterful. Scrumtrulescent if you will.

There’s the herpes-infested contest for hair metal “hottie” Bret Michaels: Rock of Love and the follow-up Rock of Love Bus.

Gross

OK, so I haven't much time tonight to write, but I have yet to miss a day, so you get a little bit. I am a little sad that I am lacking time with such a great topic. I will definitely be going back to this one..

So, I am in the car, trying to think about some good words. I like the word 'smeg' as a scifi curse word. More like an insult. Like smog and egg together. Like "you're such smeg." But then I started thinking that I was pretty sure that there was already the word 'smegma.' So, I looked it up. And, um, ew. Am I stupid for not knowing what this was? Probably. Whatever.

p.s. that link is NSFW

Nerds will no Longer Live Long and Prosper

Austin, Tx-Leonard Nimoy, famous for playing Mr. Spock on the Star Trek television series and in the subsequent movies of the same name, is now famous not only for his acting work, but for a medical condition. After 43 years of constantly flashing the famous “Live long and prosper” hand sign for cameras and fans, Nimoy has developed digit-specific arthritis, with symptoms and treatment different enough from other types of arthritis that the condition has warranted its own name. He won’t die from it, but his Nimoynian arthritis will have major repercussions in his everyday life.

Nimoy recently appeared in Austin, Tx for a surprise appearance and screening of the new version of Star Trek, where he reprises his famous role. After sharing an evening with shocked and elated fans, and throwing a few of the standard nerd gang signs, Nimoy headed to a late dinner with his hosts. At dinner, he noticed that his hand was a bit shaky and that he didn’t have as much control of it as usual. The next morning, after flying home to California, he went to see his personal physician, Dr. Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy. After many expensive tests, lots of poking and prodding, and consultations with other top physicians, McCoy had to reveal the bad news that his patient would have to find some other way to convey the universal phrase of peace and geekiness.

Nimoy’s former co-star and close, personal friend William Shatner came to be by his side while going through all of the procedures. Shatner was outraged at the prognosis that his friend would never be able to manipulate his hand to the famous crab-like symbol, and could not believe that his doctors could not do anything with plastic surgery to repair his condition. His outburst elicited Dr. McCoy’s retort, “Damnit, Bill, I’m a doctor, not a…oh, wait, I should totally be able to fix this.”

After undergoing treatments with steroids and other medications, Nimoy will face extensive physical therapy just to be able to utilize his right hand for daily tasks that require more localized use of his fingers, like buttoning shirts and handling writing implements. He can, however, look forward to the fact that he continues to receive a lifetime supply of Aleve, the arthritis pain medication after doing a commercial for them in 2006.

Nimoy’s current predecessor, Zachary Quinto, doesn’t seem too concerned about developing Nimoynian arthritis because “I do this other thing with my fingers in my role as Sylar on Heroes. I figure if I just make sure to not keep my fingers doing the same thing over and over again, and, you know, changing it up, I should be ok. If anything, I was worried about developing a little of the Sylaritis, if you know what I mean!” Quinto said.

Nimoy will be spending time healing with his family, and watching the finale of Fringe on May 12, where he will be playing a key character.

Sidebar: Among Mr. Nimoy’s crowning achievements in life, he lists making some babies, being an awesome Jew, donating the maximum amount allowable to Obama’s campaign, and sharing the birthday of March 26 with the almighty and awesome Laurie Lyons.
(haha, I didn’t know that til I was looking at his imdb profile)

Writer’s note: so, I had the idea for this “story” after Nimoy’s recent visit to Austin. While it is a fucking hilarious idea, I am apparently not the only one to have it, as Aleve actually paid him for a similar idea in 2006. I did not find this out until I was finishing up the article. Thanks for ruining my fun, Wikipedia.



This video cracked my shit up! Somebody REALLY loves Spock.